The fraud of no child left behind
Last week I posted two essays that were submitted by my grandchildren Taylor and Bart. Bart lives quite some distance away so his essay was supplied via e-mail, which has his mother currently debating closing Bart’s e-mail account.Taylor lives nearby, and on her visit she brought a friend who frequently travels along with her. Taylor’s friend is thirteen years old, and enrolled in the seventh grade at a local public school. I will not mention her name, however she appears to be a very bright child, and possesses a pleasant demeanor. She was inspired by Taylor’s essay, and asked me if she could submit one on the same subject as Taylor’s.
I decided to run this young lady’s essay, but before I do, I feel you must know that neither Taylor or Bart had any corrections or edits performed by me on their essays. This young lady’s essay is also written on overpopulation and pollution. I will remind you again that this young lady is in the seventh grade, and is a student in New York public school. I have not performed any edits or corrections upon her submission:
Overe poplaton and polutan
Wat are we comeng to? The peple who say theirs nothing wrong wit us, evrything is perfict are squreing us up! Kids liek me can due a nothing. What happen too us? Liek Roam are we to cromble? Are we brarbrayeans?
I checked into this further, and this child has all A’s on her report card, and receives glowing comments from her teachers. This is not secondhand information, I actually read her report card. The school she attends receives an A grade by the State of New York. No vouchers will be distributed to any students at her school anytime in the foreseeable future.
We passed the “No Child Left Behind” act in an attempt to stop some children from falling through the cracks, and to bring them up to the same level as the rest of their classmates. Children are now allowed to use calculators in math and spell-check for English classes, and the curriculum has obviously been adjusted to totally prepare the children to pass all of the mandated tests, and they are passing these tests with flying colors.
Humans have successfully trained monkeys to pass multiple-choice tests by use of repetition and reward. Apparently our public schools can do a first-class job of training monkeys. Our children are doing a wonderful job with math and English, provided they have their electronic crutches available. The child that wrote this essay clearly cannot spell. I took the time to check, and she clearly cannot handle her basic math without assistance provided via Bill Gates. Both of her parents are busy working full-time jobs, and unfortunately do not have time available to pick up the slack left by the public school system.
It appears that the “No Child Left Behind” act has indeed succeeded in creating a level playing field for most of our children. It appears as though the majority of them are operating at about the same level. In other words, the vast majority of them simply cannot spell or count to save their lives, or to save anyone else’s life. From where I sit, our future looks real damn rosy.
Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny words: duplicity.
Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy as well as pseudo politics, was brought to you by the NEA, who would like to remind you that this is what happens when you try and screw with us.
Reverend Billy Gisher is the author of “Less People Less Idiots®”, and a guest blogger of "Those Bastards®", who aspires to full Bastardom®. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.
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posted by rev. billy bob gisher ©2008 at 12:25 AM
41 Comments:
I do a lot of grading of college papers from mostly freshman and sophomore students. I am completely amazed by what I get even with the computer and spell check. Most of the students swear that they edit their papers before they submit them. This I constantly question because, I ask myself, how can someone edit a paper and still have misspelled words? I am disturbed that not only did they graduate high school, but that they somehow got through the required English 101 course before I got them. They tell me, over and over again, how other teachers always gave them “A’s” and I almost always reply by saying “Really?” Most of my students do not know how to write a complete sentence, the difference between “there” or “their” and other simple words and formulations. When I have them write a short essay in class, what I get is even worse. There are many students I have not passed because, to be honest, I could not live with myself if I did pass them. As my classes are mainly writing classes, I cannot pass them on knowledge of the subject alone.
I admit that I also have my own writing problems—never having a grammar class in my life—I have had to work hard to teach myself writing skills and spelling. When I look back on my own primary education, I am also amazed that I was sent through with mostly straight A’s—especially when I look at old papers I had written. If what I had was bad, I cannot imagine how bad it is today. Posting this was a very good idea because it really shows how we are failing our children right and left.
the only thing that no child left behind changed was the number of students that are largely non-functional. that number appears to have shot up. you can only blame the politicians for lack of vision on this one. parents and teachers should get most of the blame in my book.
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Dr. Didi said...
You are absolutely correct. I cannot believe the number of people that have graduated from high school that cannot form a proper sentence that contains a subject and a verb. We are failing our future, by letting them get away with mediocrity.
I work with "gifted" eighth graders. I know they are gifted, because their parents tell me they are gifted. Yet when it comes to writing assignments, these gifted kids would rather type them up at home using spell check and an online thesaurus. They do not want to put in time or effort, because it's all there for them anyway. Why should they try to expand their vocabulary or learn how to spell correctly? When I spoke with their parents, they had the same view as their children.
There is very little to be done if parents are not teaching their children the value of hard work and a good, well-rounded education.
These are the parents that vote for the politicians that make the laws of the land.
I know that I am not perfect in grammar and math, but I also know that had it not been for my parents I would not be where I am today.
it's like most other things today. real effort has become too much trouble for us, please give us the easy route.
I worry about those crutches too. My own son does not spell nearly as well as I did at the same age, though because I push him, he is better at it than many of his peers. One of his best friends' spelling resembles what you posted here. Recently the teacher was concerned about spelling and deviated from the curriculum to create her own unit on spelling.
Sorry I've not been blogging much lately - I see you keep checking back. The deaths of our friends played a role in diverting me. I should start back up again in a week or so.
Hey, I detected no satire in this piece. Your satiric pieces do challenge the reader to find the edge between truth and fiction. It's interesting but can be a little disconcerting. For instance I'm not sure whether I should offer condolences for the loss of a family member or not.
walker: please accept my sympathies for your loss. as for "my loss" other than being set back a few bucks and held behind several days my loss is nothing compared to yours. everything can be replaced except lives.
satire and parody are but a few of the tools i employ. i would use a hammer if i thought it might make people think, which is my primary goal anyway. sometimes like this post i just serve it straight up, which can add to confusion, but if you were trying to make people think, anything that slowed them down and got them to seriously crwal all over a post is a good thing. thanks for the kind words and look foward to your full return.
Shouldn't it be "Fewer People, Fewer idiots"
One time they actually let me teach in the public elementary schools. In the spring when all the children took the years' achievement tests I would tell my class. "Do the best you can. When the testing is all over you will each receive a 'Heath bar'."
Needless to say my classes outperformed the rest of the fourth graders. The guidance counselor found out about the reward and was not as amused as I was..
d'oh! I didn't read through 'til the bitter end. The picture and your "seeing its insides" should have given it away. (Though what I said about the edge of truth still applies sometimes.)
His Honor the Mayor: i was wondering how long that would take. you are correct, and i am well aware of the syntax error, which was used deliberately. i am at least aware and can choose to use, rather than have no idea what else to use. if you are developing a slogan or branding it is not at all uncommon to abuse the language. that, as i am sure you are well aware, was not the point.
Count Coonicko: wow i see the jane goodall method is used overseas too.
walker: thanks for following through. there are always serious points in every post even the silliest ones. there were several in the mercy killing post. one of my favorites was this tiny point about the differences between class type:
"Fortunately for the Gisher family, there would be no such circus surrounding the departure of old Guthrie. There are still more than enough Gishers located in positions of relative prominence and power, to successfully prevent the media from intruding in on our suffering. Such are the privileges that come from being a member of the upper rungs of the bourgeois. It is usually only those poor souls that are commonly referred to “the great unwashed”, that have to suffer these indignities."
I can totally agree. I have seen it and helped to deal with this first hand. This type of situation really stands out once you move 2 kids from one school district to another. Very hard on the kids, too say the least.
it's another one of those things i keep asking myself when are these people going to get pissed off about this? when?
The greatest beneficiaries from "no child left behind" (which can only really be said with quote marks) were not the children, but the testing companies. We've created a for profit bureaucracy in our educational system which we will never shake loose of with anything short of Revolution.
The only real way to reform education is to reform PARENTS. A law passed somewhere (I dont remember where) which fined parents for the mis-behavior of their children was pointing the right direction but not quite executed right (but dont ask me for the correct solution, or at least not today). Considering the increasing trend in stripping children of civil rights, perhaps the day of making parents responsible (again) for their children is near. (Or maybe it's simply a lead-up to stripping the rights of adults, too)
As for writing skills, ask that little friend of your grand-daughter how much she reads. I'd guess not much, but Taylor reads a lot, doesnt she?
The two go hand in hand. Read enough, and it's almost impossible not to know how to write passably.
dave:if anyone should ever suggested I am not delicate with certain matters, I will simply refer to them to many of your comments. but you are right on. you're correct about Taylor, most of my grandchildren read like fiends, I would love to give the credit to myself and my children for raising them, but as we all honestly know, it was in our DNA. the first time I read Hamlet I was seven. Taylor's favorite magazine is JAMA.
Rev:
Please define "these people" if you can.
From where I sit, our future looks real damn rosy.
You said it.
I have a very close relative who is a college prof. He bemoans how every generation gets even dumber (is it possible any more, one has to ask).
He now has step-by-step instructions as to how to write a paper, and must insist that they have all papers checked by volunteers in the English department before he accepts them, because no one knows how to write, or even structure a simple sentence any more.
Pitiful.
...and they wonder why jobs are going overseas...
matt: my fellow humans (in total)excluding those who are already hopping mad.
saur: i do not want to sound area 54 paranoid, but are we not easier to control if we are stupid?
er... is it area 51? where is aj when you need him?
It's 51 rev, and hanger 13.
Leaving yourself wide open today? How humble of you. :-)
matt: busy writing today is my excuse. i got behind when old guthrie started acting up.
Area 51, car 54, whatever, who’s counting….
Ok, seriously, I was just joking. You don't need an excuse.
surely you can't expect me to blame myself now do you?
That is quite shocking, even for such an early age. Not sure there is much to say here other than 'wow - I didn't realise the school system was that challenged over there!!!'.
sucks wind yote
Rex 84
the 51st grassy knoll area
Rev, definately. Sad, but very true and quite plausible.
see that's why y'all need to come on up to canada... i'll put some coffee on.
ahhh fuck it, i'll order a few keggers, who am i kidding?!
Rev,
I fear you're right. I've seen the same discrepancy between my daughter and some of her peers.
It is technically true that no child is being left behind. They are all traveling in an illiterate gaggle at the same speed and going in the same direction. I believe I see them passing my window right now, being led by the Illiterate-in-Chief.
If the future is theirs, I'm looking forward to joining Guthrie at the dump.
Just to clarify something. This isn't the result of "No Child Left Behind". NCLB is just a really lousy attempt to fix a problem that has been in progress for years. Personally I hate it because it isn't the federal government's perogative to meddle in education.
What is actually causing this problem? There are the obvious answers: lack of parental involvement, lack of funds for schools, self-interested teachers' unions. I would agree with two of those, but I think there is something else that might shine a tiny ray of hope on the matter.
Kids are learning different things these days. Many teenagers know more about technology than their parents do. They might use it flippantly, but it is training them for the workforce.
That said, something must be done to instill in them at least basic grammar, spelling and math, which reminds me of the old joke, "the beatings will continue until morale improves."
We have a position at my school paying about $50K+ for a testing coordinator. The woman puts tests in piles by teacher name and makes sure that the test labels are correctly coded. She is a co-worker from my principal's former school. We lost a reading teacher to hire this person. We are also "Low-performing" on NCLB. Don't forget the two state-mandated consultants riding us for about 200,000 this year. Follow the money trail again.
saur: very real.
lingo: can we go to the beer store?
omni: you and Dave both are being blunt today, but I have to agree, if that's the way we're headed, I'm taken the plunge with Guthrie.
hammer: I totally agree. the title of the story was the fraud of no Child left behind. and the fraud was that it would make things better. when they actually just got worse.
tree_story: you must have punched login the same moment i did. i know where the trail goes by the way. but there was a choice those in charge of curriculum made that i do not like either. plus i agree with dave that many parents share blame. like many other things, all of us share the blame for doing nothing about it besides throwing it to the government and forgetting about it. other than the moon shot, they have never had a smashing success, and look at the loss and cost on the way to the moon too.
Dear Reverend Gisher;
You have, on occasion, used my blog for advertisement purposes. I am officially returning the favor. My most heartfelt entry is now live and in color.
Thanks.
nice work matt. your writing gets better. it's like a muscle, the more you use it...
Rev, mommy is a teacher and believes that our President is using the "no child left behind act" as a way to punish poor schools and reward the rich ones. Thankfuly I don't have to go to school. Mommy and daddy sent me to 3 weeks of training school, and now I can sit and stay which is more obedient than most middle school children.
cairo, you probably could spell better than most. to tell you the truth i thought that at first then i realized no scholls were being shutdown and all were getting A's. think about it.
You want to know the truth?
That essay was probably written on an old version of "Microsoft Word", and the child got so fed up of that smug little paperclip making sarcastic comments about the lack of spelling, punctuation and grammar that she turned it off.
ironic, i have put out a contract on the paperclip guy.
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