Come on, eat the fish

I spend most of my time talking about what’s coming for us in the future. The most common retort that I receive is “things aren’t really that bad, things aren’t as bad as you say Reverend”. This is all very interesting because after all, I’m primarily talking about the future. Since this keeps coming up, I have decided that I’m going to focus a little bit on the here and now. So you say to me, “Reverend things aren’t that bad now”. Well in honor of these and other wonderfully snarky comments, I’ve decided to invite all of you human ostriches over to my place, where we are going to focus on just one of the issues we are ignoring right now.

I have fixed a wonderful dinner of grilled trout; the trout was caught in Lake Ontario, not far from the city of Rochester. It could have been caught anywhere around Lake Ontario, the quality would be about the same. The water that fills Lake Ontario, flows out through guess where? A river called the St. Lawrence. Guess where the St. Lawrence dumps itself? An ocean called the Atlantic. I know you’re hungry and looking forward to this great meal I have prepared for you, but first I thought you’d like to take a look at the recipe. It’s an old family recipe, and I guarantee you it’s the best tasting trout you’ve ever had.

It’s quite easy to prepare, and in honor of truth in labeling, I have included all ingredients, I’ve even included all of the ingredients that are in the trout. I think it’s only fair that you should be able to see what you’re actually eating before you consume it. Remember while you’re reading the recipe, that things are not as bad as I say, and everything is just fine in the world.

*Grilled Trout Recipe (Smoked):

* 2 c. water
* juice of 1 lemon
* 5 cloves garlic, sliced
* 4 cloves shallot, sliced
* 2 tbsps. salt
* 2 tbsps. sugar
* 2 tbsps. chopped dill
* Made for 6 (12 oz.) boneless rainbow trout

Start by mixing the brine ingredients together and pour over the trout. Marinate in the frige for 4 to 5 hours. Smoke the trout in a covered grill for 25 minutes at 250-300 degrees. Use a tight-fitting lid for your grill to make this technique work. Start by soaking wood chips in water for several hours. Build a charcoal fire on one side of your grill. Place a shallow pan of water in the other half of the grill. When the fire is glowing, it's ready for cooking. Than scatter wet wood chips on top of the coals. This should produce lots of smoke. Place the trout on grill directly over the pan of water. Put the lid on grill to trap the smoke inside. Within about 25 minutes the trout is ready and smoked. Top with any type of heavy cream sauce, horseradish or just add a little lemon juice.

*Ingredients for trout:

One adult trout
Chlordane
Botulism, type E
Dioxin
Raw sewage
Toxaphene
Polybrominated biphenyl’s (PBBs)
Dieldrin
Mercury (Hg) and methylmercury
Polychlorinated biphenyl’s (PCBs)
Nutrients: phosphorous and nitrogen
Mirex
Tritium
Dioxins and furans
DDT and metabolites

Well the fish is served and his right in front of you, and I’ve got fresh cut flowers on the table, everybody dig in and enjoy. What is the matter, nobody is eating? I assure you, it is one tasty meal. Come on, what are you sitting there looking at? Everything is just fine, there’s nothing wrong, New York State says you can eat this once a month, once a week if you’re a man, just as long as you are not pregnant. Well dig in people, what’s the hold up? It could be worse, these fish could have come from the Hudson River. Just overlook that third eye, fish frequently have mutations like that when they’re swimming in such fine quality waters. It’s the perfect meal for any ostrich. Bon Appetit!

Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny words: ignorance is bliss.

Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy as well as pseudo politics was brought to you by someone who actually bothers to do research.

Reverend Billy Gisher is the author of “Less People Less Idiots”, and a guest blogger of "Those Bastards", who aspires to full Bastardom. Help the world to eliminate idiots, contribute your time here.