Wrong Door Blues

According to US. News, one in three women will have had anal sex by the time she is twenty-four. I was thinking that this must be an accident. Humans have accidents all the time. You might be reading your morning paper, and get a papercut, just by accident. You may not see an oncoming car when you are making a left turn across a median, and have a car accident. Accidents happen, because humans are accidents waiting to happen.

Purely by accident, I have found myself in the wrong room before; usually I went a floor too high or a floor too low. The moment I went into the wrong room though, I knew it. Have you ever blown up a balloon to almost the bursting point and then released it? Well that’s the reaction I usually received when I went into the wrong room, with the exception of one time I can recall.

One time, (by sheer accident) I went into the wrong room, and the moment I went through the door, it was as if a party had started, a party expressly thrown in my honor. When the balloon didn’t go screaming off into the sky, it set me back just a little. Being a fairly adept fellow, I stayed at that party until it was over. I’ve never wanted to be considered a party-pooper.

These days I usually take my time, and try to make sure I go through the right door, at the right time. My mother always said to go in through the in door, and out through the out door, and not the other way around. Some folk’s mothers might tell their sons, “life is like a box of chocolates”. Not my mom, she told me about the box and the chocolates, with the express intent I should keep them separate from each other at all times. Which brings me back to thinking about all of these young women having anal sex.

Back in the Stone Age, when I was a very young man, young ladies had several ways to deal with this sticky problem. They could either manually take care of it by taking matters into their own hands, or rely on you to take care of the problem yourself when you got home.

I wondered if the pressure to be popular has been advanced to this level where folks were going in the out door so much more these days. I also have to wonder if this is a request, or a settlement, to put things in legal terms. I also am aware that many young women are attracted to dangerous guys. What could be more dangerous than an Arab terrorist? Maybe these women are having so much anal sex because they all desire to hook up with a terrorist. We all know just how highly valued virgins are by terrorists. I always try to see the glass as half full so I figured out another reason for the rising trend. Young women might be practicing the skills they will need to have, after they have cast their vote for a President.



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