Bless me father, for I am an idiot.

At least twice a week, I am asked, “Am I an idiot?” Very good question, and since I am working my fingers to bloody stumps, trying to lower the number of idiots without using lethal projectiles, I thought it might be the time to publish a list. This list will by no means be all-inclusive, but I shall try to cover the most flagrant violators. It’s going to take two days to publish this list, as Blogspot has asked me to limit my word count, in order to prevent the all too frequent crashes of comment boxes. During the next two days, feel free to sign in and publish your comments, and mention any identifiers for idiots that I might have overlooked. On Thursday, I will close out what should become the definitive list, of what constitutes an idiot, by adding your best posts to the end of the list. From that day forth, I will be able to point people towards these posts, saving time, breath, and bandwidth for me.

You are an idiot if:

 You sneer at divisions in the United States, but can’t seem to get a European constitution ratified to save your lives.
 You complain about the minimum wage being too low, but your Mexican maid hasn’t had been paid at the minimum for over a decade.
 You bitch about the Catholic Church not allowing women to be priests, but your wife does all of the household chores.
 You buy a pet and leave it home alone all day, and wonder why it tears your furniture up.
 You complain about the garbage put on TV, but your children still have their own televisions in their room.
 You staunchly defend the rights of minorities, but all the children at your kid’s school are white.
 You consider yourself a feminist, but allow your daughter to dress like a harlot.
 You rail against psychiatry, but have rifled through three or more relationships in the last fifteen years.
 You repeatedly ask what Jesus would do, and despite having the largest staff of analysts in the world, you rely on a person who cannot safely eat a pretzel, to determine what Jesus would ask you to do.
 You complain about job cuts, but wish to continue to make $20.00 an hour to hang a tire on a car.
 You work for local, state, or the federal government, and do not vomit every time someone tells you to refer to the procedure manual.
 You religiously vote for Republicans knowing your vote will improve things.
 You religiously vote for Democrats knowing your vote will improve things. (Don’t you dare just whiz past these two.)
 You eat only meat to avoid getting fat, but die of clogged arteries, rather than just eating less.
 You drive around for fifteen minutes trying to get the closest parking spot to the store, and you could walk from the readily empty ones, in less than a minute.
 You complain about the substandard regulations on the environment in the U.S., as one of your biggest power plants dumps it’s crap across the northern border, and turns Adirondacks lakes and ponds into battery fluid reservoirs.
 You rally against abortion, but you punish your children if they are caught with contraceptives.
 You roll down the highway with your kids in the backseat watching DVD’s and wonder why they don’t want to talk to you, or why they don’t like to read,
 You possess some of the finest cigars ever rolled, and you use one of them as a sex toy.
 You order from a drive-through menu island by pointing at the items you want.
 You bombard congress with mail about the violence in video games, but do nothing about the violence you see on the evening news,
 You complain about racism, but attack minority appointments to high government offices as turncoats.
 You are, or were married to Jane Fonda.
 You are, or were married to Ted Turner.

This concludes today’s portion of the “You may be an idiot list”. Tune in tomorrow for more on this matter.



Next Sermon- never enough idiots.



Today's sampling of black comedy and parody laced with satire and bogus philosophy was brought to you by the folks who developed the national strategy to tackle bird flu, (NSTBF) who ask you to prepare for the same results you got with this years distribution of flu shots.



Halliburton sponsors today’s funny, not funny word: handmaids